A Senior Moment

crossI am at Kohl’s. I got two shirts, both off of the clearance section. 10 bucks for one, 13 bucks for the other. Awesome! And they are not the ones with weird colors or patterns that nobody wants, or the irregular sized ones with one sleeve longer than the other. This is too good to be true. I grabbed them and headed to the register, as if to get them paid for and out of the store before anyone realized the mistake they had made in pricing them so low.

Great, only one person in front me. This shouldn’t take long.

Uh oh – senior citizen.

She puts her clothes on the counter. She asks for the price to an item. Oh boy. She says the price is wrong. It is supposed to be on clearance. The cashier explains they probably put it in the wrong place. I am getting a little frustrated. She finally starts scanning. I will be out of here soon.

“Do you take checks?”

Wonderful! Of all the Kohl’s and all of the registers, she had to come into mine. I was almost out, almost home free. I was picturing myself with my new shirt on. My plans are hopelessly destroyed by someone technology has obviously left behind.

“Do you have a pen? Who do I make it out to?”

“Oh, my driver’s license? One second, I don’t drive anymore but I should have something…”

No no no no no no!!!!!

There has got to be a way out of here! I need an exit strategy. Maybe I can tell the cashier my wife is having a baby, and I need to get out of here. Maybe I can get really mad and demand they open another register. Maybe I can stuff the shirts in my pants and make a break for it. Anything but sitting here and watching this woman write a check in the year 2010.

Must find a way….must stay…focused…..

There he is again. Right above the lady’s head. Jesus! No really, Jesus – in my head at least, but I swear I can see him, floating right above the lady’s head. C’mon Jesus, can’t you overlook this one? I mean she is writing a check for goodness sake! Ok, look I will serve at the Thanksgiving food drive like you have been telling me about. He is not going away. He is looking at me with those eyes, the thorny crown. Stop looking at me like that!

Oh great. Now my grandfather is there next to him. Yes I know, I remember how kind you were to everyone. Yes I remember what you taught me about respecting my elders, but honestly…

Turn away John….focus….

“Sir, your next?”

23 bucks plus tax. Cool….