We can learn a great deal from these foster kids.
We can learn a great deal from these foster kids.
So as foster parents there is the inevitable dilemma.
What should our foster child call us?
Mommy and Daddy?
Should they call us by our names?
Is it even up to us?
Our little one has called us mommy and daddy since she got here. Honestly we have not discouraged her, as doing so I think would cause even more confusion. She is not old enough to understand why we would be discouraging her. But I have to tell you at first it seemed odd. Obviously not odd to this little innocent child. Odd to the adults who know the circumstances. I mean, how will the bio mom feel about that? How will our little one react when she sees her bio mom again?
Just last night at dinner, we were sitting around at the table, and our little one pointed at me, and told my wife “That’s daddy!”. I pointed at my wife and asked “Who’s that?” to which she answered “Mommy!”
After some thought, I realized the sense of comfort and safety those words must mean for her. She is with mommy and daddy. Mommy and daddy represent family to her. They represent normalcy. They represent love. Isn’t that, in the end, what we are called to do for this little girl? Aren’t we charged with bringing the joy and love of Christ to one who needs it the most?
Of course the answer is yes. So for now, we will be her mommy and daddy. One day, when she is older, she will understand the difference between our kind of mommy and daddy, and the bio mommy and daddy. But this child has already experienced a trauma in her life no child should ever experience. Adding more trauma by trying to take away the only mommy and daddy she knows right now would not be in her best interests.
Besides, I can’t tell you it doesn’t feel good to be called daddy. Sure, I know one day, she will be mad at me, and as most do, she will angrily take that title away from me as revenge. It is part of growing up and for foster kids part of dealing with their circumstances. And I will have to understand.
But right now, I am daddy.
And as George Strait says in his song, a dad’s love is “A love without end, Amen!”
We have had our little one for about a month now. When we picked her up, we knew very little about why she was being placed in foster care. What we did know is that this 2 1/2 year old little girl should be talking and walking by now. Yet here she was in front us, crawling and making gurgling sounds like a much younger child.
We were taking a leap of faith. It did not matter to us if she was delayed. We would take her home, nurture her and get her through this period of her life.
After a few days, we noticed something.
She was not delayed.
She started talking – a lot.
Looks like the crawling and gurgling sounds were a defense mechanism of some kind. As this little girl progressed in our home, we noticed that whenever she felt afraid, or felt she needed more attention, she would drop to the floor and crawl. Ok, we would deal with this. We will provide that love, that nurturing, that attention you need, while still letting you know it is ok to be you, the 2 year old who knows how to walk, how to talk, how to do the things a 2 year old does.
And now, I am amazed at how our little one has progressed.
Yesterday, on the ride home from day care, I noticed she was staring out into space. She looked a little out of it, maybe a little down. So I tried something. I turned around while at a stop light, blew her a kiss and said “Love you baby!”
Immediately, she responded.
“Love you baby!”
Her response was preceded with a kids and followed with a giant grin, knowing she had just said something really cool.
Since that ride home, we can’t stop her from repeating everything we say. Of course, that could be dangerous.
We will have to be very careful what we say.
Goes to show you what can happen when we let God be in control. All we can hope for is that Jesus will let His love to continue to flow through us onto this little precious girl for as long as possible.
Either way, we are confident He will prevail.
Look who’s talking now!
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
We are learning every day about our precious child of God, this foster child we have been blessed with. We had been progressing with her pretty steadily. However, a couple of days ago, she met with her bio family.
All seemed to have gone well according to the case worker. However, that night, she couldn’t sleep. She awoke at 1 AM and was awake for about 3 hours before falling back to sleep. We can only imagine what she was thinking. Maybe she thought when she saw her bio family that she was going home with them. We were not able to be with her during the visit so we don’t know for sure, but we know it could not have been easy to leave her family again. She probably thought it was all happening again, that separation that these foster kids deal with over and over again.
My heart breaks for this precious child, and I feel helpless.
The last couple of days have been hard at day care drop off. As we get closer to the door, she starts to grab on tighter to my neck, wrapping her little legs around me to prevent me from putting her down. Inevitably, when I finally set her down, the tears flow. As much as I want to grab her tight and take her home, I simply tell her I will be back later, and walk away quickly. I can see her through the window as her care taker picks her up to console her.
Again heartbreaking, even if it is necessary.
I know the impact we are having on her. I see the progress she is making. I see how much she smiles and dances when we are together. In her smile, I see the work of Jesus. She really is our Lord in bottle for me, pure joy that comes from the love He emanating from Him through us.
But sometimes I simply don’t understand why she needs to go through this. I know there is a plan, a holy one that one day I will realize. But right now, I just want to protect her from this world, a world that can be cruel and uncaring, and one she does not deserve.
For now, I will lean on this verse:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Easier said than done.
Rejoice in suffering?
Sorry God, I am not there yet. I cannot rejoice. Yes I have lived that passage. I have seen suffering produce endurance. I have seen suffering bring out character. With that suffering – I always had hope, and I have seen God’s love persevere.
But I cannot rejoice. I am weak. I cannot understand why we suffer in this life. All I know is that this suffering has to be for a reason.
And yes, I hope, and I surrender. I give you the power, and my hope lies in you.
“So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Please God, I don’t need to understand.
I just need my prayers answered.
“The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. “
What prompted a Norwegian man to kill 93 people? What caused him to believe that the right course of action was to place a bomb in Oslo, then go to a youth camp and slaughter children? What kind of world do we live in that contains animals like these? It is really hard to understand.
I don’t know the reason.
We are now seeing plenty of experts in the headlines with possible answers. Maybe it was caused by politicians and leaders sparking hatred amongst extremists. Maybe it was because he had a difficult childhood. Maybe it was a particular traumatic event that led him to commit this horrible act. Maybe he is clinically insane and was off his medication. I suppose there could be many reasons.
Maybe – he is just evil.
I think sometimes we try to make sense out our fallen world. We try to find the magic pill or cure that will prevent mad men from committing crimes. If we just medicate them correctly, or if we just fix the issues in society that led them astray. Why is it that we just can’t come to grips with the fact that there is such a thing as evil in this world? Why can’t we just understand that there are people in this world that don’t want to be good people?
Don’t get me wrong. I completely agree that medication and finding resolutions to societal issues that cause crime are worthy endeavors, especially since I know that through God – all is possible. But evil people have existed since this world began. As much as we try, they will always be among us. Since the day Adam fell in the garden of Eden, evil has existed, and until our Messiah returns, life in this fallen world will be a struggle. Some will unfortunately choose evil rather than good. Some will fall.
“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”
I truly believe that the farther we stray from God, the easier it is for us to be tempted, and the closer we come to evil. It can happen to any of us. While most of us would never commit a crime as a result, we are all susceptible to it. We are all imperfect, and such can be tempted to act in a way that does not honor God.
So how should we react to this horrible act?
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
The Bible will always hold the key. I believe it is very clear how we should react. We can overcome evil only with good. We cannot do it through revenge, since that right belongs to God. It is not through anger, as that will simply tempt us to stray from God. It is only through our adherence to the Bible, and God’s word that we can overcome such a horrific crime. Hey, I know it isn’t easy, but Jesus never told us that following Him would be easy.
Today, we pray for Norway.
We pray for the children and all who lost their lives.
We pray for those that have survived and are finding a way to make sense of the senseless.
We pray for ourselves, that we continue to follow our Savior, and that evil is overcome in the arms of Jesus.
“Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
America is still the richest country in the world. We can be thankful to God that He has blessed us with a country where most people have a place to live and food on their table. Even during a recession, with an uncertain future, we are not doing nearly as bad as other countries.
In fact, according to an article from ABC News:
That is awesome, and no country comes close to us in giving to other countries. The fact is that America is simply a generous country. We can be very proud of that fact, except for one thing.
People are still suffering.
With all of the money that we send to other countries to help, there are still children in other countries who go to bed hungry, who don’t have the proper clothing, who are not getting the education they need. The fact is that with all of the money we send, it simply is not enough.
It is easy for us to look at the statistics and say “we have done enough”. But that is not what the Bible tells us to do as Christians.
“If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you.”
Throughout the Bible, they are many examples of how we are to treat the poor. The fact is that Jesus gave a commandment to love our neighbors as we love our God. As such, it is our responsibility to not turn a blind eye to the poor and needy in this world.
Here are some of the statistics from Compassion International:
The bottom line is that our help is still needed. It does not matter that we already provide so much help. As Christians, we are called by our Savior to provide help for our neighbors, and it is obvious that more is needed.
How many times do you go to a restaurant and spend at least $40 or more? Do you know that $38 a month will feed, clothe and educate a poor child for a month? Do you know how many children have been saved from poverty by Compassion International in countries like Brazil, Nicaragua, El Salvador, and others? They are currently helping 1.2 million children, yet so many are still not being helped. It is Americans like ourselves that can mean everything to one of these children.
When you sponsor a child through Compassion International, you are not just sending money to an charity. The money you send is going directly to help a specific child. Your contribution will clothe that child, it will feed that child, and it will educate that child. They will teach the child about God. You will have the opportunity to write the child and influence their life directly. You can even visit the child if you choose. You will have the opportunity to pull that child out of poverty, and give them a chance they would never have had otherwise.
Will you make a commitment today?
Advice, Insights and Experience From Parents Who Are Living It
Christian poetry and prose, quotes, and thoughts - if they glorify God they were worth writing; if they mean something to one other person, they were worth sharing. Comments always welcome!
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